I’m finding it hard to even be on a screen this morning but I want to capture and share this now now while it’s fresh and before the floaters of an impending migraine get the better of my intentions.
I wrote this poem last week. On Wednesday evening to be precise. I’ve been doing what I always wanted to do with my swims – going first thing in the morning. Sometimes I’m solo but most days I’m lucky to have an equally bonkers Bluetit to swim with! That early morning time is so precious and so loaded with magic that I’m totally hooked.
This piece was eerily timely as I’ve been in another FreeMind training these last four days – Deep Peace to be precise which is all about healing the past and returning to self love, or even more specifically inner child healing. I’m not sure I can describe it with justice. It was an amazing, cathartic, magic and beautifully exhausting four days. It will take a while to adjust to having released a life time of so much that I never needed to carry. I’m not who I was four days ago. I have so much work still to do but FUCK am I glad I’ve got FreeMind skills and the back up of a whole gang of brave and loving souls to get me me through it as well as our always inspirational and fabulous guide Tom Fortes Mayer. I have case studies between me and becoming a FreeMind Therapist so I need to crack on and get sharing this magic! For now though, the emotional hangover is real, even after a beautifully therapeutic swim at 7am in the harbour so today is a time out and this week will have a theme of gently, gently I hope.
I’m feeling so tired, so grateful and so much lighter. May your week be easy, gentle and loving. xxx
I’ve had a conversation with my buddy Helen James yesterday about overwhelm and what it is. There was quite a bit of cursing and a lot of laughing, but it left me thinking about the word and the issue of it in my life afterwards.
If you look up overwhelm in the dictionary it will be defined by words like, overpowered, submerged, overcome, upset. I started to think about when in my life before I felt like this, and how that’s linked to my current, knee jerk/cop out reaction to anything that looks or smells a tad like the o-word. This milled about in my head and my heart for the day yesterday and I had a bit of a breakthrough with it last night.
Over ten years ago, my complicated, lovely, maddening, stubborn, opinionated, talented old wordsmith of a Dad died suddenly at home getting out of bed. The loss, the first of its kind I’d experienced in my life, devastated my world more than I knew at the time. In hindsight I really fell apart. I had no energy; no joy and I was entirely distracted. I really disengaged from my family. Everything but everything was too much. I went on like that for a year or two and then began to come out of it. The house was a mess, my head was a mess, and I was just not present. The thing is, I frightened myself then with how dark and disengaged I got from my lovely life. Everything was too much. Thankfully, I took myself in hand when a friend said I seemed depressed and I began to claw my way out of the hole I’d dug for myself.
Anyway, all this to say, when I have a lot to do, I think this is what my underlying fear is. That I’ll crumble and disconnect. I’m doing the work though, and I’ve come too far to do that again – it just takes a little bit more effort to get the message through to myself. I did a good job of getting on with looking after my family and my home, but it was through a blur of disconnectedness I never want to feel again.
Then, I was overwhelmed by grief and I gave it my power. That was probably the last time I was honestly truly overwhelmed. I give a to do list way too much power by calling it overwhelm and I’ll never use the word so lightly again.
In reality, “I am overwhelmed” is me saying “I’m afraid to step into this in case I get lost” and whilst the memory makes the fear real, it’s an old reaction to a current situation which only serves to keep me in an outdated and destructive pattern I now have the tools to release.
There’s a piece by Danielle La Porte that I listened to a lot a few years ago. It speaks to our power, how it gets trapped in painful events and how we must always call it back to us. You can listen here.
“You are always in relationship with your life force. Ideally, you want access to your FULL life force. Not just half it because some of your power is on obligation-loan to the needy, or stuck in a past life, or knotted up with the person who did you wrong, or tangled up in dreading the future. Painful events create fissures that your power gets trapped in. You want to empty those pockets and get your gold back.” Danielle LaPorte
Words have the power we give them. I do believe I have been giving my power to this little o-word and now I’m calling it back. I have a to do list of things that honestly mostly, light me up and bring me joy in one way or another. Sometimes they feel out of control or balance and it’s my job to lovingly maintain them in a way that keeps them in balance, in joy and in alignment with my life force. I’m lucky to be connected to my lovely life by those things I’ve actively chosen to have on my to do lists. They come from love. 😉
I free wrote this in my journal last weekend, inspired and motivated by a recurring theme in conversations with my lovely friend and mentor, Helen James. When I sent it to her in a voice message, she said something like, “drop everything and blog it now!”
For so many years now, I’ve been in a constant state of learning, betterment, the next thing, the next thing, the next thing. I’ve been doing a lot of journalling and planning this last while and it’s made me realise something about “getting there” that I’ve often heard people speak about but never really felt myself before. It’s the fact that there is no “there” or that there is no “place of arrival”! The magic holy grail of knowing/enlightenment/happiness/achievement blah, blah, blah…
I’m declaring my own “There” today. It’s called HERE. It’s exactly where I am. Messy sometimes, brilliant sometimes, always learning and open of mind and heart. It’s the best because there’s no where else to be except HERE. I am here was actually my declaration when I posed for my natural state photos over a year ago! I knew then it seems, or part of me did, that the quest for some form of “there” was over.
It’s morning. The house is still. I’m sitting at my kitchen table watching the sun paint the sky and I just want say, “I’m here”. I hope that your here is magic and messy sometimes too and that you get to live today to the fullest. HERE.
I arrived at my core desired feelings a while ago, but wanted to sit with them, get to know them and try them on for size before I shared about them. It’s such a sacred part of my Christmas/New Year process (and sometimes part of my summer!) that I really like to make them mine before sharing them with anyone else. Of course, fellow facilitator Mel got a preview as I arrived at them, because… well because she’s just that person!
Of course, for the full immersive Desire Map experience you should read the The Desire Map book or have a fabulous facilitator take you through the process, but I’m hoping that if you haven’t done either of those things, then this will give you some insight into the magic of how the process works and why it’s so important.
My Core Desired Feelings for 2020 were Faith, Grace and Light and am I ever glad that these were the rocks that took me through this most challenging year! I considered keeping them as they have served me so well this past year, but I believe I now have them so ingrained in my day to day and in my thinking, that further expansion and different ways to be needed to be explored. There are grains of these old feelings in all the new ones, because they are so much a part of my life now. After much lounging around scribbling and journalling and desire mapping I have arrived at these three core desired feelings for 2021. Courage, Lucid and Suaimhneas. I’ve done a little pic for each feeling – with the dictionary definition, my definition, and my touchstone quotes to be remembered.
There’s an exercise in desire mapping that you do to get to know your CDFs a little better, and how they might express themselves. You run through things your CDFs would like, adore, do etc., You can do this for each feeling, but some of mine this year are: Courage loves to put her big girl panties on and take action. Lucid adores when I’m organised. Suaimhneas feels joy when I go swimming. Lucid remembers to pause. Courage wears whatever the fuck she wants to. Suaimhneas listens to the sounds of nature/mother earth. It’s a beautiful way to give your core desired feelings character and to see the traits that you want or need to embody yourself.
Desire Map, Heart Centered membership and Grace for Impact have all been rocks in 2020. I’ll be leaning into them and on to them even more in 2021 and hoping to bring their magic to even more people too. I’m happy to discuss how I might be able to take you through the process and tailor a package for you so please feel free to get in touch with me to discuss it if it’s something that calls to you.
When the news broke of another lock-down last night my hubby convinced us to get our warm gear on and we went to the beach to howl at the moon and let it all out (yip there were many expletives too!). It’s been difficult watching my 12 year old and 15 year old struggle against the tide of restrictions we are under and parenting them through that. We’ve banded together and reminded each other constantly that whatever happens our best way through it all is together. So far so good (or so far so managing to hang on as best we can!).
This year I’m not eager to release myself from the year that was in it. I’m not anticipating a big letting go of the year or planning a list of new year resolutions I won’t keep. I feel that 2020 deserves more respect. Those who lost so much to this year and our front-line workers deserve more respect. It’s not a relief to let this year go, it’s an achievement to have survived it and I’m glad to have made so much progress in the midst of so much difficulty. For my wild New Year’s Eve 2020, you will find me home with Spud, the girls and the doggos, dozing and trying hard to stay awake for midnight, glad that we made it and thankful for all the lessons and growth.
I’ll be digging deep to stay grounded, resilient, calm and peaceful through yet another lock-down and focusing on what really matters – staying safe, minding loved ones and making the most. From my heart to yours and our home to yours, stay safe, be well and I hope 2021 brings us all some peace, joy and radical compassion.
What a week! I’ve been busy – some of it on the QT and some of it too exciting not to shout it from the rooftop which is where I currently am in my mind!
If you visit this blog regularly, you’ll know I am a Nutriri advocate, supporter and now facilitator. Nutriri is volunteer run and everyone gives of their time, expertise and passion because we believe in the work we do with Nutriri and it’s value to anyone looking to find food and body ease and acceptance in a compassionate supportive environment. And that’s what we’ve created!
I describe Nutriri as my how to – having decided to embrace my body as it is a few years ago, I was left wondering how. I mean there’s a mindset switch you make when you decide to release the conditioning of a lifetime and accept your body in all it’s fabulous flawsomeness, but there are practicalities and behaviours that take some work and encouragement to really help you shift your soul to a position of loving acceptance and appreciation. I was still seeking that true transformation when I came across Helen James and Nutriri and found my how to.
If you’re looking for a compassionate, inclusive way to find your own way to peace and ease around food and body image then Nutriri might be for you.
The course lasts 12 weeks and is entirely easy and enjoyable to take part in. Every second week there’s a live session with one of our wonderful Nutriri Facilitators to chat through the issues arising for you and to jam on what we can help you with. Each facilitator comes with their own unique set of skills and lived experience, but we all come with an open heart and mind and a wish to be of service and to help others. These live sessions end with beautiful hypnotherapy and are a highlight of the course. Because we’ve structured the courses to launch gradually and over the weeks into new year there’ll be a vast range of Facilitators for people to choose from. We’ve endeavoured to accommodate as many options as we feasibly can so that the course is available to and resonant with anyone who is interested.
Of course, there is the practicality of having to fill enough spaces to make this a viable enterprise for everyone concerned, so we are aiming to have a certain number of spaces filled in each cohort in order to launch whilst being open to changing/adapting/relaunching if necessary in order to make this successful and enriching for all. We love, love, love feedback! So if there is something you’d like to see, or something you’d like to be different, or that you believe would made it more appealing or accessible for you, then please get in touch and let us know.
I believe I’ve found my version of food and body peace, together with my own way incorporating the right self-care, practices, rituals, routines and learning to be able to accept the ebb and flow of how I feel about food and how I appreciate what this amazing body of mine has done, does and will do. It’s an ever-fluctuating thing but Nutriri has taught me acceptance and joy in realising that I am right where I am supposed to be – and that’s true each and every moment! And it hasn’t just been around food and body ease. My involvement with Nutriri has taught me so much and helped me to grow and learn as a person in ways I never considered needed my attention. I feel part of a really special community of entirely accepting and loving group of people. I feel understood – even on my worst days! The support and community Nutriri has gifted me is something I can’t even begin to quantify. And then there’s the introduction to FreeMind and the difference that’s made in my life too (see previous post on FreeMind here.
But now! Now I get the chance to give back and share that with others and I’m stoked to be a part of something that I believe will change lives and bring much needed kindness, compassion and tenderness to the world.
I’d love for you to go and check this out. I’d love to hear what you think – whether or not you think it’s for you! So please do get in touch if you feel you’ve something to contribute that we need to hear. Of course, if you’re massively impressed, enthusiastic and want to sign up – then fabulous!
Obviously as volunteers we still have expenses that need to be covered – so we have an affiliate link system that we are hoping will do just that. My affiliate link is here and will bring you to all our products. We’re also offering to hold places with a small deposit so you can do that here.
#nutriri #weightneutral #HAES #bodyacceptance #intuitativeeating #self-nurture movement #mynutriri #alisonmurphynutri #alisonmurphyblog
I’ve posted on social media recently about my oldest daughter’s TY project to run a Mental Health Fair in her Transition Year (4th year) in school this year. Aisling was inspired by two things: 1) our own family struggle with her younger sister’s anxiety and the experience we had with her then school in getting compassionate support through school for her; 2) her own experience of the lack of sufficient support in secondary schools for anyone in crisis or needing intervention with their mental health. I am working on a blog post about our own experience but I’m finding it difficult to make my way through! It’s cathartic and wonderful as Niamh is now thriving and it’s taught us so much, but it’s one experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone else too.
I’m incredibly grateful to Aisling and Nicki Ringwood for turning this into such a wonderfully positive piece of proactive caring in the form of the Mental Health in Irish Schools project . They’ve been incredibly busy working with pulling together the fair for next month, podcasts for the future and so much more, and I have been busy doing the admin/backroom side of things!
We decided to start a petition to our government for mental health supports in Irish Schools as we believe this to be an important issue that needs attention, highlighting and discussion – not just with students and their parents, but in government also. So far, only one week in, at time of writing, we are at 479 signatures.
We would love to build on this and see the issue get more traction and attention and you can help us do that by signing, sharing, engaging in our posts on social media and our website and of course, by getting involved if you wish to – just get in touch! Please if you’re sharing add the hashtag #mhiis so we can track the shares and love you up for your support.
Yesterday my friend and soul sister, Jane, had to part with her beloved Husky Boy Maska. Maska was a beautiful bounding bundle of husky fluff and joy. I only met him a handful of times, but was always welcomed for the husky love when I visited and the thing I’ll remember most about him was his insistence that I love him as much as possible while I was there. I speak to Jane most days in the mornings, and I’ve been through the last while with Jane doing all she could to keep her beautiful boy happy and well.
Jane’s love for her two huskies Rio and Maska, and for animals in general was, I suppose, what brought her and I together in a way – two meddlesome dog lovers asking questions and causing trouble at the pound in Wicklow many moons ago when Maska was only a young lad! I call her in the mornings after my kids have headed off to school. We chat dogs, chat to each other’s dogs (yes really, over the phone) and we generally take on the issues of the day and try to make things right. She’s seen me through my darkest days and I have done likewise for her. We’ve celebrated our wins, mourned our losses, and laughed buckets upon buckets of wonderful cleansing, joy filled laughter. Many of our conversations contain the sentence, “I can’t believe I’m going to say this out loud, but I can tell you…”
If you asked Jane about Maska, she would tell you that he saved her life. If you could ask Maska about Jane, he would say she saved his life. Rescued as a young dog, Maska came to Jane when she needed him as much as he needed her, and they grew with the ever lovely husky Rio into “Mac’s pac.” There were epic long daily walks many times a day, with Jane’s day largely revolving around getting the lads out for the walks! I’d go visit to fetch her from her home in Kilkenny to come visit with me in Wicklow, and while I was always welcomed, I often wondered if the lads hated to see me pull up outside and take her off for a few days – even though her son was always there to mind them in her absence.
I’ve heard her voice change as the realisations dawned about Maska’s failing health and she came to the unhappy conclusion that it may well be time to let him go. I could hear her heart break over the phone. It didn’t come easy but when it arrived, she knew. We know as the guardians of these beautiful creatures that there always comes a day that we have to say good bye, when we have to make that choice for our dogs, when life is too much and their bodies can’t keep going. It’s a bittersweet responsibility, but it never ceases to amaze me that you know, you just know, when it’s time. As dog lovers we sign up for this, over and over again, because the rewards are just to many to quantify with words and the love, joy and life our dogs bring to us somehow outweighs the pain of their loss.
Jane gave Maska the best home any dog could wish for. There were adventures daily. The best of food. The best of love. The best of her. She’d have moved mountains to make him well and have had him for longer, but it wasn’t to be. He’d have moved mountains for her too. It’ll be her and Rio now, walking the walks and making new adventures for the daily treks. A small pack diminished by a third but expanded by the love of Maska.
Godspeed and run free you crazy husky floof Maska. You were a truly joyful Totally Epic Dog and it was an honour to know you.
A while ago I had the pleasure of taking part in a days training for Nutriri with Tom Fortes Mayer of FreeMind. It was a really expansive, powerful experience that left me wanting more and I was delighted to be able to take up The FreeMind Rapid Change Therapy Training when it came up a few months ago. (Thank you Helen James for the gentle nudging – you are epic!).
I have been on this adventure of self-development and self-knowing for these last few years and it’s been a blast, but there were issues and hurts that I knew I wasn’t processing or dissolving that emotionally and physically still felt stuck for me. I had a knot in my chest and throat that was so constant I learned to live with it and enjoyed the times (usually swimming!) when it seemed to disappear a while. I knew deep down, that there were things holding me back, keeping me small, stifling my wish to freely express myself. I’m all about the heart, and living from there, so when it felt heavy, and when I admitted that, it felt like it was holding me back, I knew there was something that I had to do. FreeMind felt like a fit.
Nothing could have prepared me for this beautiful training. It stretched me in ways I hadn’t realised I needed to stretch and I was initially surprised by how challenging I found it to delve into the things that I needed to work on. My resistance was met with loving support and tenderness at each step as we were guided through the FreeMind experience, learning from the inside.
This is powerful stuff. I’ve expanded, healed, dissolved and released so much over this experience. I’ve met the parts of me that needed to be angry, to really dive in and feel the hurt, the loss, the fears and to be acknowledged, thanked and lovingly brought back home into my being. I’ve danced with seven year old me on the shores of Glendalough. I’ve had conversations with the universe about not taking things so fucking personally. I’ve written letters to people long gone and felt their love and life bubble up in my heart.
I’ve realised that we are all one and that in that oneness we are never alone. I will continue to expand, heal, dissolve and release for the rest of my days. I will do my utmost to share and guide others to do the same, because now I have the tools to do so.
The knots I spoke of are gone. They’ve been dissolved and I am left free and confident that I have the skills and ability to help myself back to peace, power and purpose whenever I need to.
A few people have asked me about how I found this training. I’ve replied that my mind, body, heart and soul have been blown wide open. My job now is to keep them that way.
I’ll be working on my case studies this next while so if you’re interested in some hypnotherapy with me I’d love to hear from you! Email me at: email@example.com